when loyalty isn't shared.
testimony of someone with a forever soft heart.
something strange happens when someone disappoints you
someone you trusted, defended, fought for, and above all
someone you once believed was different
people assume the hardest part is the anger
but it isn’t
anger is actually the simple part
anger gives you something to hold on to
what’s harder is the quiet confusion that comes after
when you start replaying moments in your head
trying to understand how someone you respected
someone you cared about deeply
could become someone you barely recognize
you start asking yourself questions that don’t really have answers
was I naïve?
did I expect too much?
did I misunderstand who they were all along?
or maybe you romanticized their whole character.
because when you love someone, or even just believe in them strongly enough, you tend to fill in the gaps of their behavior with generosity
you assume the best version of them is the real one
and every time something doesn’t quite line up
you explain it away
until eventually the explanations stop working
and then you’re left with something that feels almost like grief
not grief because someone died
but grief because the version of them you believed in
never really existed the way you thought it did
that realization changes something inside you
not in a loud dramatic way
more like a quiet shift in how you see the world
you start understanding that loyalty isn’t something everyone carries the same way
for some people
showing up is instinctive
for others
it’s optional
and once you see that difference clearly
you can’t really unsee it
which is why the real heartbreak of being let down isn’t always about the moment itself
it’s about the sudden clarity that comes with it
the moment when you realize
you were standing somewhere alone
believing you were standing there together.
and that’s exactly what happened to me recently with one of my exes.
we lived together for years.
the foundation of our relationship was our friendship.
it wasn’t just romance.
we genuinely cared about each other, deeply, in that quiet way that comes from building a life side by side.
then a traumatic family situation happened in my life.
something that forced me to take on responsibilities that were non-negotiable for me.
for him, they were.
and in that moment it became clear that love wasn’t enough.
not because we stopped loving each other
but because the life I needed to live required choices he wasn’t comfortable making with me.
he told me that if I went through with that decision, there would be no going back for us.
and I still did.
the relationship ended, but strangely the love didn’t disappear.
it just changed shape.
our friendship stayed.
solid, respectful, present.
he remained someone important in my life and in my daughters life, someone we cared about and someone who cared about us.
it evolved over the years, but the foundation of that care never disappeared.
sometimes that presence created tension in other relationships I had later on.
when I would say that this person was a non-negotiable part of my life, that our history and our respect for each other mattered.
eventually it was accepted.
and recently the roles were reversed.
he was the one who had the opportunity to do for me what I had done for him for years, which was simply to show up in a way that honored what we had built together.
and he chose otherwise.
that was painful in a way I didn’t expect.
because I truly believed we were still a team in some fundamental way.
that the respect we had for each other, the care we had carried through the years, meant that when something important came up, we would both instinctively protect that bond.
and in that moment I realized that the place I thought we were standing together in still…
was somewhere I had been standing alone.
and that realization didn’t erase the love or the respect that once existed.
but it did change the way I see things.
because sometimes the hardest part isn’t losing someone.
sometimes it’s realizing that the loyalty you thought was shared was something you had been carrying mostly on your own.
and learning to accept that without letting it harden you
that’s a long way in.
-kima xx